Last place i have to go

[YTKallDAY]

The girlfriend is going to optometry school...i want to be a musician. she's ashamed to tell her friends, wish id get a more stable career. been together for a long ass time, and this has really torn us apart..idk fellas and ladies, just had no where else to go with it. feeling really shitty about myself and this unexplainable need to go into music. i will be getting a college degree, and i technically could do something else. but i just need to do music full time, and she just cant get behind it. idk, awkward post...but i've been an AB fan for forever and i know people on this board have supported each other, need some advice/encouragement. this girl is perfect for me, i love who i am, personally, when i am with her. she just can't accept my dream the way i have accepted her's and it is killing me. idk what the point of this was, just needed to vent i guess.

[AB23]

Dude, please oh please listen to me. Get a "real" job ( at least in her eyes). You can always write, practice, record, or perform on the weekends. The fact is that this is reality, and for a man to be happy, the woman has to be happy. If she is embarrased to talk about you, then you gotta rethink some things you are doing. If you REALLY like this girl, then do both would be my advice.

[joshuabeau]

Dude, please oh please listen to me. Get a "real" job ( at least in her eyes). You can always write, practice, record, or perform on the weekends. The fact is that this is reality, and for a man to be happy, the woman has to be happy. If she is embarrased to talk about you, then you gotta rethink some things you are doing. If you REALLY like this girl, then do both would be my advice.

Yeah, I'm with Monty on this one. I've been there, done this before.
It may not be what you really want, but in order for it to work, you gotta do what's best for the both of ya.

Music can just be your outlet, and what you do in your free time. That's what I do.

[YTKallDAY]

here's the thing. if i give this everything i have for the next few years and fail, i will be able to live with that. i will be able to live with the fact that i just wasn't good enough. but if i don't give it everything i have, i will never be happy. so it's a lose lose either way.

[Inconquerable]

I can understand and appreciate very much that music is your passion and, obviously, a dream of yours, but so few people/bands actually make it in the music industry. It's a really tough career to get into and I think it's important that you have a back-up plan in case it doesn't work out. Like the others have said, do your music stuff on the side for the time being and if you get an opportunity to do it full time with some sort of guarantee that it will work out, jump on it then and go for it.

[AB23]

If music is getting in the way of reality, then you have to face facts and realize that its not gonna make you a living.

[YTKallDAY]

it's not that i have tried for a long time and it hasn't worked. i havent even graduated college yet and i've played guitar for fifteen years and am pretty fucking good. there has been nothing to prove that i can't do it, my band is just getting off the ground. she just can't handle an unstable career

[anguyen92]

I agree, do the music on the side.

This is never a sure thing and I've been there before. I thought I could make it as a poker player with no back-up plan and I blew it. Luckily, I was young enough to get back into school and I'm happy with it knowing that I got somewhat of a clear direction to a stable job and chasing another dream.

For you, since you are getting a college degree, just get a stable part-time job, save a little at a time and when you feel like you have enough financial support, then you can take a shot at being a professional musician. I think depending on your band, the band is always going to be there for you, hopefully.

As for you and your girlfriend, if you guys love each other enough and she thinks that you doing music full-time will end the relationship, you just might have to go with giving it up (I know this is gonna hurt for you) as long as you get a little something something as compensation.

GL. Stay happy and healthy.

[YTKallDAY]

^ lol. thanks for the advice, guys. i am just worried that if i don't give it ALL of me i am going to hold her accountable for never letting me give it everything i have. you guys are right, probably doing it on the side would be better. i don't want to misconstrue what i want out of music. i dont want to play because a "ton of fans" would "love" me. i don't want to be "famous." just the thought of writing a fucking sick riff or song, and no one caring/having no one to tell about it, scares the shit out of me. i want to know fully that i am either good enough, or not good enough to do it. and it sounds cliche, but music is more than just "oh let me pass the time by playing some guitar and writing tunes." it is what gets me through every day. it is what gets me through all the shit in my life that i have to deal with. it is my voice, it is the way that i feel i can best be heard. and the idea of not being heard scares the shit out of me, and i don't want to hold this girl accountable for any misery i have because i didn't go for it 150%

[Violent Corpse]

Sorry if I sound too bleak, but you can't have the best of everything. You will have to decide what you value most in your life and act accordingly.

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” - Albert Einstein

That's the code I live by.

[cointurtlemoose]

Welcome!

First, the pragmatics: You need financial stability. It's a part of growing up, and though the pursuit of this stability can unfortunately at times seem limiting, it offers greater rewards in the long run. Not flashy advice, but thinking and acting for the long-term will always, always involved some degree of sacrifice to things that are desirable in the here-and-now. This is NOT at all advice to give up the music dream. On the contrary, in order to even grow into doing music 'full time' (which is such a hard thing to define anyway), you will need financial stability in order to get you there.

Second: It would do well for you both to understand her "embarrassment" and what's behind it. From hearing you talk about music, it is so completely clear that it's like air for you. If you were a wealthy businessman, or if you were a bum, it seems like music would still be THE main drive of who you are. Again, just going from the way you've spoken about it... Anyways, she needs to understand, accept, and love that part of you. If she didn't understand/accept/love that part of you, it would be a disaster, regardless of whether financial stability was there or not. So I think the most important thing is for you both to more fully understand why she is "ashamed" of your dream of doing music full time. It could be as simple as her just feeling nervous and uncomfortable with the instability of it all. Perfectly understandable. But if the "ashamed"-ness is about something deeper, then that's a whole different and bigger issue. Hope this makes sense...

[DivCruz]

I think we're in the same situation right now, YTK. The difference is I don't have a girlfriend (I know sad ). But I'm planning on shifting course from Computer Science to Music. It was only my mom that is against my decision though. Trying to get into the music industry is really hard in this time but I'd rather teach music than to computer stuff. I really just don't enjoy it. But for the sake of just performing or band, I guess having a "real" job is necessary and lay the band on the sideline.

[cointurtlemoose]

Sorry if I sound too bleak, but you can't have the best of everything. You will have to decide what you value most in your life and act accordingly.

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” - Albert Einstein

That's the code I live by.

Good advice, and not too bleak, just matter-of-fact.

You ultimately have to both ask yourselves, "Are they worth it?" - "Is he worth sticking with through some possible instability?" - "Is she worth sacrificing my all-in approach to a music career for?"

May not be a quick or easy yes or no, but those questions remain THE questions.

[DonHarry]

If your relationship stability is dependent on the stability of your job then your love is material. If she can't support you in something that is insignificant to her but important to you then she can't be relied upon to be there for you in any instance that conflicts with her own wants. Is this what you want? Selective support based on your subordination and her own self interest.

Fuck that shit. You're two separate people, don't let her dictate a major life choice that you're clearly going to regret not taking for a long time. If you need to do it then do it. You're young enough for it to not be the end of the world if it doesn't work out and if you only get support when you're doing what she wants then it's not right. What's so good about optometry anyway?

Be your own man. Doesn't matter how long you've been together. Never be afraid to lose her. It's not a contract and time has no bearing if you're strong enough. Lose your dependence and follow your dream. She'll still be there if she loves you, if she isn't then you've done yourself a favour.

[gbruin]

I'm with DonHarry on this one, YTK. When you wrote that she's perfect for you, that's not really true, is it? If she were perfect for you, then she'd be supporting you and your dreams or finding some compromise that works for both of you. I obviously don't know her and I don't mean to be disrespectful to either of you, but you are sort of idealizing her when it looks like that's not exactly the case. First, be honest with yourself about where everything stands, and that includes all your reasons for wanting to pursue music, so that you can make a decision with all the cards on the table.

At the end of the day, the only face in the mirror you have to be accountable to is your own. If you can't have both your music and your girlfriend, then you have to pick one. Do right by the face in the mirror. It doesn't mean there won't be some regrets no matter what you choose, as either choice will have a cost, but there will be fewer regrets if you choose what's ultimately in your heart.

Good luck.

[Timotheus]

Do what you want to do. People told me not to study music when I was 18, and I didn't do it because they told me so. I regret it every day of my life.

Imagine if somebody would've told Myles he couldn't study music when he was 18, because he wouldn't make a lot of money.

[Macca]

Fuck music. Get pussy.

Lol jk bishes suck anyway. Go make music.

[Lotha]

I'm in a similar situation, sort of, only it's my boyfriend that wants to pursue his dream, and there's no guarantee he'll make it. (I have a dream of my own). And I think everyone should chase their dream, because if you don't, you'll regret it forever. I fully support him, even if he doesn't make it. I just know it's important to him and I wouldn't dream of holding him back, even though it means we'll probably be in a long-distance relationship for who knows how long. But he has to try and I accept that. If he's happy, it will make me happy. If it doesn't work, well... we'll manage.

Of course not everything is that simple, a lot of factors come into play. But yeah, I agree with Harry and say: if she can't support you because it's not like what she wants, it's not an ideal relationship then. If music is so important to you then she HAS TO understand and accept that. She has to. I honestly can't understand how she could hold you back from something that's so important to you if she really loves you.

Don't want to sound harsh or anything... but that's from a girl's perspective. You should think it over and talk with her seriously.

[Violent Corpse]

May not be a quick or easy yes or no, but those questions remain THE questions.

^ This. Listen to Mr. cointurtlemoose, YTK (I'm not saying this because he liked my advice). But you HAVE to do some soul-searching at this point.

... And thanks cointurtlemoose!

[YTKallDAY]

you guys and girls are fantastic. thank you all for your experiences and input. i really appreciate it more than you know!