Music (Alter Bridge) Saved My Life
Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:34 pm
Ok, so where do i start?
You know how songs can really speak to you? When the lyrics that person has written, are written with such clear conviction, and from such an experienced being that they bleed into you? The words attach themselves to your soul and a light bulb clicks on in your head to make you think it was written about you...? Well, i never really had that, until this year.
2012 has been probably the worst year of my life. I know, many of you know i lost my father in 2007 to a freak car accident. An event that was nothing but fate picking it's moment.. But 2012 has been the year that has had me at a place in my life i have never been, and never want to be again. In January, i had my heart broken, pretty horrifically i'd say (not by my sons mother, shes a dick and i left her 3 years ago). Out of the blue i lost my best friend, my lover and who i thought would be my partner for a very long time. I had previously lost faith in love and she restored it, only to completely rip it away. Many people will say "shes not worth it", and believe me i heard it a thousand times. I told myself every day that nobody was worth the pain and suffering i ultimately put myself through as a result of a decision made by her.
Depression.
It's a word thrown around by moody teenagers, and lazy adults to make themselves feel better about having no motivation. It's a word abused and taken very lightly as it has become somewhat of an excuse for many actions, thought processes and decisions throughout the human race. Especially in modern times.
However, I was diagnosed with "severe depression" in February of this year. You might ask why i'm bothering to type this out and tell you all my most personal truths, but i feel this is somewhere i can really write it down. And i owe you all an explanation for my behaviour as of late. If you research "severe depression"; you will find the following symptoms -
- continuous low mood or sadness
- feeling hopeless and helpless
- having low self-esteem
- feeling tearful
- feeling guilt-ridden
- feeling irritable and intolerant of others
- having no motivation or interest in things
- finding it difficult to make decisions
- not getting any enjoyment out of life
- having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself
- feeling anxious or worried
-
- Moving or speaking more slowly than usual
- change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased)
- constipation
- unexplained aches and pains
- lack of energy or lack of interest in sex
- changes to your menstrual cycle
- disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning)
-
- not doing well at work
- taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with friends
- neglecting your hobbies and interests
- having difficulties in your home and family life
Turns out, during a psychiatric assessment meeting that i had after the diagnosis of depression, turns out i ticked the box of about 80-85% of these symptoms. Which is borderline bi-polar according to my doctor. I was sick, very sick. Now it wasnt entirely down to the rough break up, i had been feeling extremely low for some time. Lack of motivation, no self esteem etc etc.. But I'd never really taken much notice of it, when others had. I just got on with things and thought that i was being normal. Apparently it wasnt and it bothered my loved ones. The break up sparked my previous "slump" to turn into a deep depression. Unfortunately.
Thankyou for reading this far, i know none of you probably give a shit about my problems, but i appreciate you getting this far if you have. There was a time where i would totally dwell on songs like "Adele - Someone Like You & Take It All".. "Black Stone Cherry - Stay" and "Alter Bridge - Shed My Skin".. Songs about being without, and lost. The relation to these songs was monumental, i couldn't turn them off as i allowed myself to dwell on how depressing and sad the topics of them are. This went on for months, i lost my job, i lost about 15lbs in weight, i didnt sleep and wouldn't get out of my bed for much more than a drink or to use the toilet every day. For such a long time... Some of you may remember me talking about this between February and early summer. Eventually "Shed My Skin" would turn into a positive, as i would literally speak the pre-chorus lyrics to myself in relation to my situation and how i was. The song being ultimately about changing from being in a dark place, to going into the light and happiness.. I later realised this and used it to build my moods up.
"It seems I've gone away
It seems I lost myself it seems I really lost my way
It seem I lost myself
It seems I Shed My Skin"
Amazing..
Alter Bridge - I Know It Hurts
And you say this ain't living
You say you can't go on
You only take as you've given
And now your hope is all but gone
Though you lost your way (Now is not forever)
But I know your pain
We all fall sometimes you're not the first
But I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
In the end you'll find what you deserve
Still I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
There are tides slowly rising, the storm is on it's way, yeah
But you can't keep on fighting, so battered, worn and so afraid
Though it's sad and wrong, I hope you will remember
You must carry on
We all fall sometimes you're not the first
But I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
In the end you'll find what you deserve
Still I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
There's still tomorrow, hold on, hold on
There's still tomorrow, just wait, just wait
There's still tomorrow, hold on, hold on
We all fall sometimes you're not the first
But I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
In the end you'll find what you deserve
Still I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
(i have highlighted the major parts of the song that spoke to me)
I dont know if anybody has REALLY let this song sink into them... But i did, massively. I would turn it up in my car or at home in my ears and let is fill me up with positivity. The lines that describe tomorrow being worth living for, was a huge wake up call. I'd never felt anything like it in my life. This came at the perfect moment in my life, as unfortunately and i'm ashamed to say it.. But i had reached a somewhat suicidal frame of mind. I know, i had a beautiful son and family to live for. But every single time i took my car out, i would fight with myself from driving it off a bridge or into a wall. I used to say to myself "it would only take a second"... Then this song would come on, and that would all go away. Nothing has every manipulated me like this. I would feel SO proud to relate to lyrics that WERENT full of depression and sadness. This song saved me, it saved my life and built me up.
I would like to apologise to everyone on here that i have ever offended, upset, pissed off or bothered during this year. Now maybe you can see what i've been going through.
Alter Bridge - Life Must Go On
Sitting alone in the cold of the night
You’re trying to find what you need to survive
You're so afraid
You can’t go on
Left in the silence that tears at your heart
It only reminds you how broken you are
You lost your way
But hope is not gone
Cause the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on
Do you remember and long for the past
When love was eternal and joy seemed to last
Yesterday
Forever is gone
Cause the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on
It must go on
We have our misfortunes
The darkest of days
But we must endure
And keep strong
Just look to the morning
The promise awaits
And know that this life must go on
And the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on
And the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Keep rolling
Life must go on
It must go on
Life must go on
Life must go on
(When you feel you're awake)
So you keep holding on
Keep holding on
(We all have our mistakes)
Life must go on
Life must go on
So you keep holding on
Keep holding on
I know this song gets somewhat of a bad rap by most, for being cheesy or whatever. But when you go through something like i have this year, the actual words mean more to you than anything else. These 2 songs (along with another by 3 Doors Down) changed my world around and i am forever grateful to Alter Bridge for creating them. I hope many of you can understand what i've been rambling on about, and take in that i've actually had a very tough year. Luckily I'm actually on the up.
My best friend Greg (ex bass player from now disbanded Tequila Rockin'Bird) encouraged me to make a big step and apply for a degree illustration course back in June/July. So i did it, on the spot i took to my laptop, found the course and i went for it. That was my first major turning point. It's been up hill since then too.. With a steady job and somewhat better health, things are better for me.
I hope some of you care about me, i know im a complete stranger and come across like a total dickhead. But i never mean any harm in the things ive ever said to anyone. Everything i said should be taken with a pinch of salt. I love and appreciate this band it's community more than i think i know.
Alter Bridge saved my life, thanks for reading. Onwards and upwards!
You know how songs can really speak to you? When the lyrics that person has written, are written with such clear conviction, and from such an experienced being that they bleed into you? The words attach themselves to your soul and a light bulb clicks on in your head to make you think it was written about you...? Well, i never really had that, until this year.
2012 has been probably the worst year of my life. I know, many of you know i lost my father in 2007 to a freak car accident. An event that was nothing but fate picking it's moment.. But 2012 has been the year that has had me at a place in my life i have never been, and never want to be again. In January, i had my heart broken, pretty horrifically i'd say (not by my sons mother, shes a dick and i left her 3 years ago). Out of the blue i lost my best friend, my lover and who i thought would be my partner for a very long time. I had previously lost faith in love and she restored it, only to completely rip it away. Many people will say "shes not worth it", and believe me i heard it a thousand times. I told myself every day that nobody was worth the pain and suffering i ultimately put myself through as a result of a decision made by her.
Depression.
It's a word thrown around by moody teenagers, and lazy adults to make themselves feel better about having no motivation. It's a word abused and taken very lightly as it has become somewhat of an excuse for many actions, thought processes and decisions throughout the human race. Especially in modern times.
However, I was diagnosed with "severe depression" in February of this year. You might ask why i'm bothering to type this out and tell you all my most personal truths, but i feel this is somewhere i can really write it down. And i owe you all an explanation for my behaviour as of late. If you research "severe depression"; you will find the following symptoms -
- continuous low mood or sadness
- feeling hopeless and helpless
- having low self-esteem
- feeling tearful
- feeling guilt-ridden
- feeling irritable and intolerant of others
- having no motivation or interest in things
- finding it difficult to make decisions
- not getting any enjoyment out of life
- having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself
- feeling anxious or worried
-
- Moving or speaking more slowly than usual
- change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased)
- constipation
- unexplained aches and pains
- lack of energy or lack of interest in sex
- changes to your menstrual cycle
- disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning)
-
- not doing well at work
- taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with friends
- neglecting your hobbies and interests
- having difficulties in your home and family life
Turns out, during a psychiatric assessment meeting that i had after the diagnosis of depression, turns out i ticked the box of about 80-85% of these symptoms. Which is borderline bi-polar according to my doctor. I was sick, very sick. Now it wasnt entirely down to the rough break up, i had been feeling extremely low for some time. Lack of motivation, no self esteem etc etc.. But I'd never really taken much notice of it, when others had. I just got on with things and thought that i was being normal. Apparently it wasnt and it bothered my loved ones. The break up sparked my previous "slump" to turn into a deep depression. Unfortunately.
Thankyou for reading this far, i know none of you probably give a shit about my problems, but i appreciate you getting this far if you have. There was a time where i would totally dwell on songs like "Adele - Someone Like You & Take It All".. "Black Stone Cherry - Stay" and "Alter Bridge - Shed My Skin".. Songs about being without, and lost. The relation to these songs was monumental, i couldn't turn them off as i allowed myself to dwell on how depressing and sad the topics of them are. This went on for months, i lost my job, i lost about 15lbs in weight, i didnt sleep and wouldn't get out of my bed for much more than a drink or to use the toilet every day. For such a long time... Some of you may remember me talking about this between February and early summer. Eventually "Shed My Skin" would turn into a positive, as i would literally speak the pre-chorus lyrics to myself in relation to my situation and how i was. The song being ultimately about changing from being in a dark place, to going into the light and happiness.. I later realised this and used it to build my moods up.
"It seems I've gone away
It seems I lost myself it seems I really lost my way
It seem I lost myself
It seems I Shed My Skin"
Amazing..
Alter Bridge - I Know It Hurts
And you say this ain't living
You say you can't go on
You only take as you've given
And now your hope is all but gone
Though you lost your way (Now is not forever)
But I know your pain
We all fall sometimes you're not the first
But I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
In the end you'll find what you deserve
Still I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
There are tides slowly rising, the storm is on it's way, yeah
But you can't keep on fighting, so battered, worn and so afraid
Though it's sad and wrong, I hope you will remember
You must carry on
We all fall sometimes you're not the first
But I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
In the end you'll find what you deserve
Still I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
There's still tomorrow, hold on, hold on
There's still tomorrow, just wait, just wait
There's still tomorrow, hold on, hold on
We all fall sometimes you're not the first
But I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
In the end you'll find what you deserve
Still I know it hurts, yeah I know it hurts
(i have highlighted the major parts of the song that spoke to me)
I dont know if anybody has REALLY let this song sink into them... But i did, massively. I would turn it up in my car or at home in my ears and let is fill me up with positivity. The lines that describe tomorrow being worth living for, was a huge wake up call. I'd never felt anything like it in my life. This came at the perfect moment in my life, as unfortunately and i'm ashamed to say it.. But i had reached a somewhat suicidal frame of mind. I know, i had a beautiful son and family to live for. But every single time i took my car out, i would fight with myself from driving it off a bridge or into a wall. I used to say to myself "it would only take a second"... Then this song would come on, and that would all go away. Nothing has every manipulated me like this. I would feel SO proud to relate to lyrics that WERENT full of depression and sadness. This song saved me, it saved my life and built me up.
I would like to apologise to everyone on here that i have ever offended, upset, pissed off or bothered during this year. Now maybe you can see what i've been going through.
Alter Bridge - Life Must Go On
Sitting alone in the cold of the night
You’re trying to find what you need to survive
You're so afraid
You can’t go on
Left in the silence that tears at your heart
It only reminds you how broken you are
You lost your way
But hope is not gone
Cause the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on
Do you remember and long for the past
When love was eternal and joy seemed to last
Yesterday
Forever is gone
Cause the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on
It must go on
We have our misfortunes
The darkest of days
But we must endure
And keep strong
Just look to the morning
The promise awaits
And know that this life must go on
And the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Rolling
Life must go on
And the sun always sets
The moon always falls
It feels like the end
Just pay no mind at all
And keep rolling
Keep rolling
Life must go on
It must go on
Life must go on
Life must go on
(When you feel you're awake)
So you keep holding on
Keep holding on
(We all have our mistakes)
Life must go on
Life must go on
So you keep holding on
Keep holding on
I know this song gets somewhat of a bad rap by most, for being cheesy or whatever. But when you go through something like i have this year, the actual words mean more to you than anything else. These 2 songs (along with another by 3 Doors Down) changed my world around and i am forever grateful to Alter Bridge for creating them. I hope many of you can understand what i've been rambling on about, and take in that i've actually had a very tough year. Luckily I'm actually on the up.
My best friend Greg (ex bass player from now disbanded Tequila Rockin'Bird) encouraged me to make a big step and apply for a degree illustration course back in June/July. So i did it, on the spot i took to my laptop, found the course and i went for it. That was my first major turning point. It's been up hill since then too.. With a steady job and somewhat better health, things are better for me.
I hope some of you care about me, i know im a complete stranger and come across like a total dickhead. But i never mean any harm in the things ive ever said to anyone. Everything i said should be taken with a pinch of salt. I love and appreciate this band it's community more than i think i know.
Alter Bridge saved my life, thanks for reading. Onwards and upwards!